Anna Jongeleen, 2024

Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours are Interconnected
The relationship between thoughts, feelings and behaviour is interconnected; they feed off each other. What we think affects how we feel and act. What we feel affects what we do and how we think. What we do affects what we think and how we feel.
It is not uncommon to have negative thoughts about yourself, other people, and the future. However, at these moments, it’s important to recognize that such thoughts are unhelpful. This is because what we think has the power to change how we feel and consequently how we behave.
Getting stuck in a cycle of negative thinking makes it difficult to continue moving forward and undermines our emotional, physical, and mental health. A good way to intervene in this cycle is to identify the unhelpful thought and reframe it in a more neutral or positive way.
We tend to trust what goes on in our brains. After all, if you can’t trust your own brain, what can you trust? Generally, this is a good thing—our brain has been wired to alert us to danger, attract us to potential mates, and find solutions to the problems we encounter every day.
However, there are some occasions when you may want to second-guess what your brain is telling you. It’s not that your brain is purposely lying to you, it’s just that it may have developed some faulty or non-helpful connections over time.
It can be surprisingly easy to create faulty connections in the brain. Our brains are predisposed to making connections between thoughts, ideas, actions, and consequences, whether they are truly connected or not.
This tendency to make connections where there is no true relationship is the basis of a common problem when it comes to interpreting research: the assumption that because two variables are correlated, one causes or leads to the other. The refrain “correlation does not equal causation!” is a familiar one to any student of psychology or the social sciences.
It is all too easy to view a coincidence or a complicated relationship and make false or overly simplistic assumptions in research—just as it is easy to connect two events or thoughts that occur around the same time when there are no real ties between them.
There are many terms for this kind of mistake in social science research, complete with academic jargon and overly complicated phrasing. In the context of our thoughts and beliefs, these mistakes are referred to as “cognitive distortions.”

What are Cognitive Distortions?
Cognitive distortions are biased perspectives we take on ourselves and the world around us. They are irrational thoughts and beliefs that we unknowingly reinforce over time.
These patterns and systems of thought are often subtle–it’s difficult to recognize them when they are a regular feature of your day-to-day thoughts. That is why they can be so damaging since it’s hard to change what you don’t recognize as something that needs to change!
Cognitive distortions come in many forms (which we will discuss further in this article), but they all have some things in common.
All cognitive distortions are:
Tendencies or patterns of thinking or believing;
That are false or inaccurate;
And have the potential to cause psychological harm.
Acknowledging the potential impact of distorted thinking can feel daunting. You might think that you are not holding any blatantly false beliefs. While some people may not encounter these cognitive distortions frequently in their daily lives, it seems that nobody is completely immune to them.
Chances are, if you're a human being, you've probably experienced some cognitive distortions at some point. The key distinction lies in the capability to recognize and adjust or rectify these flawed thinking patterns, separating those who encounter cognitive distortions occasionally from those who face them persistently.
Just like many other skills and abilities, some people are more proficient at this than others. However, by practicing, you can enhance your capacity to identify and address these distortions.
Mistakes in thinking, also known as cognitive distortions, are highly effective at triggering or worsening symptoms of depression. It is still somewhat unclear whether these distortions lead to depression or if depression triggers these distortions (remember, correlation does not imply causation!), but it is evident that they often occur together.
A List of the Most Common Cognitive Distortions
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking / Polarized Thinking
Also known as “Black-and-White Thinking,” this distortion manifests as an inability or unwillingness to see shades of gray. In other words, you see things in terms of extremes – something is either fantastic or awful, you believe you are either perfect or a total failure.
2. Overgeneralization
This sneaky distortion takes one instance or example and generalizes it to an overall pattern. For example, a student may receive a C on one test and conclude that she is stupid and a failure. Overgeneralizing can lead to overly negative thoughts about yourself and your environment based on only one or two experiences.
3. Mental Filter
Similar to overgeneralization, the mental filter distortion focuses on a single negative piece of information and excludes all the positive ones. An example of this distortion is one partner in a romantic relationship dwelling on a single negative comment made by the other partner and viewing the relationship as hopelessly lost, while ignoring the years of positive comments and experiences. The mental filter can foster a decidedly pessimistic view of everything around you by focusing only on the negative.
4. Disqualifying the Positive
On the flip side, the “Disqualifying the Positive” distortion acknowledges positive experiences but rejects them instead of embracing them. For example, a person who receives a positive review at work might reject the idea that they are a competent employee and attribute the positive review to political correctness, or to their boss simply not wanting to talk about their employee’s performance problems. This is an especially malignant distortion since it can facilitate the continuation of negative thought patterns even in the face of strong evidence to the contrary.
5. Jumping to Conclusions – Mind Reading
This “Jumping to Conclusions” distortion manifests as the inaccurate belief that we know what another person is thinking. Of course, it is possible to have an idea of what other people are thinking, but this distortion refers to the negative interpretations that we jump to.
Seeing a stranger with an unpleasant expression and jumping to the conclusion that they are thinking something negative about you is an example of this distortion.
6. Jumping to Conclusions – Fortune Telling
A sister distortion to mind reading, fortune telling refers to the tendency to make conclusions and predictions based on little to no evidence and holding them as gospel truth.
One example of fortune-telling is a young, single woman predicting that she will never find love or have a committed and happy relationship based only on the fact that she has not found it yet. There is simply no way for her to know how her life will turn out, but she sees this prediction as fact rather than one of several possible outcomes.
7. Magnification (Catastrophizing) or Minimization
Also known as the “Binocular Trick” for its stealthy skewing of your perspective, this distortion involves exaggerating or minimizing the meaning, importance, or likelihood of things.
An athlete who is generally a good player but makes a mistake may magnify the importance of that mistake and believe that he is a terrible teammate, while an athlete who wins a coveted award in her sport may minimize the importance of the award and continue believing that she is only a mediocre player.
8. Emotional Reasoning
This may be one of the most surprising distortions to many readers, and it is also one of the most important to identify and address. The logic behind this distortion is not surprising to most people; rather, it is the realization that virtually all of us have bought into this distortion at one time or another.
Emotional reasoning refers to the acceptance of one’s emotions as fact. It can be described as “I feel it, therefore it must be true.” Just because we feel something doesn’t mean it is true; for example, we may become jealous and think our partner has feelings for someone else, but that doesn’t make it true. Of course, we know it isn’t reasonable to take our feelings as fact, but it is a common distortion nonetheless.
9. Should Statements
Another particularly damaging distortion is the tendency to make “should” statements. Should statements are statements that you make to yourself about what you “should” do, what you “ought” to do, or what you “must” do. They can also be applied to others, imposing a set of expectations that will likely not be met.
When we hang on too tightly to our “should” statements about ourselves, the result is often guilt that we cannot live up to them. When we cling to our “should” statements about others, we are generally disappointed by their failure to meet our expectations, leading to anger and resentment.
10. Labeling and Mislabeling
These tendencies are basically extreme forms of overgeneralization, in which we assign judgments of value to ourselves or to others based on one instance or experience.
For example, a student who labels herself as “an utter fool” for failing an assignment is engaging in this distortion, as is the waiter who labels a customer “a grumpy old miser” if he fails to thank the waiter for bringing his food. Mislabeling refers to the application of highly emotional, loaded, and inaccurate or unreasonable language when labeling.
11. Personalization
As the name implies, this distortion involves taking everything personally or assigning blame to yourself without any logical reason to believe you are to blame.
This distortion covers a wide range of situations, from assuming you are the reason a friend did not enjoy the girls’ night out, to the more severe examples of believing that you are the cause for every instance of moodiness or irritation in those around you.
12. Control Fallacies
A control fallacy manifests as one of two beliefs: (1) that we have no control over our lives and are helpless victims of fate, or (2) that we are in complete control of ourselves and our surroundings, giving us responsibility for the feelings of those around us. Both beliefs are damaging, and both are equally inaccurate.
No one is in complete control of what happens to them, and no one has absolutely no control over their situation. Even in extreme situations where an individual seemingly has no choice in what they do or where they go, they still have a certain amount of control over how they approach their situation mentally.
13. Fallacy of Fairness
While we would all probably prefer to operate in a world that is fair, the assumption of an inherently fair world is not based in reality and can foster negative feelings when we are faced with proof of life’s unfairness.
A person who judges every experience by its perceived fairness has fallen for this fallacy, and will likely feel anger, resentment, and hopelessness when they inevitably encounter a situation that is not fair.
14. Fallacy of Change
Another ‘fallacy’ distortion involves expecting others to change if we pressure or encourage them enough. This distortion is usually accompanied by a belief that our happiness and success rests on other people, leading us to believe that forcing those around us to change is the only way to get what we want.
A man who thinks “If I just encourage my wife to stop doing the things that irritate me, I can be a better husband and a happier person” is exhibiting the fallacy of change.
15. Always Being Right
Perfectionists and those struggling with Imposter Syndrome will recognize this distortion – it is the belief that we must always be right. For those struggling with this distortion, the idea that we could be wrong is absolutely unacceptable, and we will fight to the metaphorical death to prove that we are right.
For example, the internet commenters who spend hours arguing with each other over an opinion or political issue far beyond the point where reasonable individuals would conclude that they should “agree to disagree” are engaging in the “Always Being Right” distortion. To them, it is not simply a matter of a difference of opinion, it is an intellectual battle that must be won at all costs.
16. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy
This distortion is a popular one, and it’s easy to see myriad examples of this fallacy playing out on big and small screens across the world. The “Heaven’s Reward Fallacy” manifests as a belief that one’s struggles, one’s suffering, and one’s hard work will result in a just reward.
It is obvious why this type of thinking is a distortion – how many examples can you think of, just within the realm of your personal acquaintances, where hard work and sacrifice did not pay off?
Sometimes no matter how hard we work or how much we sacrifice, we will not achieve what we hope to achieve. To think otherwise is a potentially damaging pattern of thought that can result in disappointment, frustration, anger, and even depression when the awaited reward does not materialize.
Cognitive distortions are biased viewpoints that we adopt about ourselves and the world. They consist of irrational thoughts and beliefs that we unconsciously strengthen over time.
These distortions in our thinking are often subtle and can be hard to identify when they become a regular part of our daily thoughts. It's important to note that these distortions have been found to be linked to symptoms of depression, indicating that a prevalence of cognitive distortions can lead to depressive symptoms (Burns et al., 1987).
However, there is hope. Recognizing and being mindful of when we entertain these distorted thoughts can be very beneficial. And, there is a way to break these unhelpful thinking cycles.

Breaking Unhelpful Thinking Cycles
The first and most important step in breaking unhelpful thinking patterns is to become aware of the thought grooves you’re stuck in. Once you know what is happening and you recognize that it’s not helpful, then you are ready to make the changes you need to help yourself.
Reframing Unhelpful thoughts
“Reframing” involves identifying our automatic thoughts and replacing them with more balanced, neutral or positive thoughts. The practice of identifying and addressing our cognitive distortions helps break the ‘stuckness’ we can feel, enabling us to move forward in our grief journey.
Here’s a simple three-step process you can practice, to reframe your unhelpful thoughts.
Notice your cognitive distortions. Pay attention to what you are thinking so that you can identify when you are having an unhelpful thought and point it out to yourself.
Evaluate the evidence. Get real. Take a look at your thoughts and emotions for a second, and think about what the actual facts of the situation are.
Reframe your thoughts. After looking at the actual facts of the situation, how might you reframe your thoughts in a more balanced or positive way?
As you practice, remember to be kind to yourself. Give yourself grace and patience. Maybe you were not able to show your real feelings to your friend this time around and that’s okay. Be gentle with yourself regardless; always relating to yourself in a way that’s forgiving, accepting, and loving.
Reflection:
Write down an unhelpful thought that you identify in yourself. Pick a thought that isn’t too painful the first time. And then follow the steps to reframe your unhelpful thought.
Notice:
It’s a few months after you lost your job and an old friend is coming to visit. You are telling yourself you’re going to be ‘bad company’; that your friend won’t want to listen to you express your sorrow. That you will ‘bring them down’ with your grievance.
Evaluate:
1. Which Unhelpful Thinking Pattern am I engaged in right now?
2. Acknowledge and write down the Thinking Pattern/s you recognize in yourself: Mind Reading (I believe that I can read his mind and know what he is thinking about me), and Emotional Reasoning (I feel like a burden so I must be a burden to others).
3. Be quiet for a moment and ask yourself; Is this true? Can I read his mind? No. Because I feel like I am a burden, does that mean I am a burden? No. If your answer to the question before is yes, ask yourself: “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?” Take this opportunity to look again. Shine the flashlight on that moment in time again, and see what reveals itself to you. (I will be 'bad company' and 'bring him down').
4. How do you react, what happens when you believe your original thought? (I will be 'bad company' and 'bring him down').
Close your eyes and witness the feelings, body sensations, and behaviours that arise when you believe that thought. Notice and write down the answers to any of the following:
What images do you see, past or future, and what emotions or physical sensations arise as you witness those images?
How did you treat the other person?
How did you treat yourself?
Do any obsessions or addictions begin to appear when you believe that thought?
5. Who would you be without that thought?
Closing your eyes, return to the situation. Take a moment to reflect, observe, and experience the situation again, this time without the thought. Who or what you would be without the thought? How would you see or feel about the other person? Drop all of your judgments. Notice and write down what comes to you.
6. Go back to your original statement and think of another possibility that could be more true using the facts that you know.
The facts could be: Your friend knows about your loss and they asked to come and visit you at this time. You’ve known this friend for many years. You were supportive to them during a difficult time in the past.
Reframe:
In this example you might remind yourself that true friendship is not just about ‘good times’. That your friend has chosen to come and see you at this time. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable gives your friend an opportunity to support you in the way that you would do if the situation were reversed.
Allow yourself to fully embrace the reframing of your unhelpful thought. Allow it to percolate inside and settle. Unhelpful thoughts won’t disappear in an instant; you have to repeat and practice until a more positive and balanced perspective takes hold. It can help to notice the physical change in your body when you give space to the reframed thought. How does that feel? There is often more space, compassion, and forgiveness.
Anna Jongeleen, 2024
References:
Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapies and emotional disorders. New York, NY: New American Library.
Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York, NY: New American Library.
Burns, D. D. (1989). The feeling good handbook. New York, NY: Morrow.
Burns, D. D., Shaw, B. F., & Croker, W. (1987). Thinking styles and coping strategies of depressed women: An empirical investigation. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 25, 223-225. https://doi.org/10.1016/0005-7967(87)90049-0
Katie, B. & Mitchell, S. (2002). Loving what is: Four questions that can change your life. New York, NY, Harmony Books.
Feeling Good. (n.d.). About. Feeling Good. Retrieved from https://feelinggood.com/about/
GoodTherapy. (2015). Aaron Beck. GoodTherapy LLC. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/famous-psychologists/aaron-beck.html
Summit for Clinical Excellence. (n.d.). David Burns, MD. Summit for clinical excellence faculty page. Retrieved from https://summitforclinicalexcellence.com/partners/faculty/david-burns/
TherapistAid. (n.d.). Cognitive restructuring: Thoughts on trial. Retrieved from https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/putting-thoughts-on-trial.pdf